1. People generally treat you like a freak when they find out you are pregnant with your third baby. They automatically assume that if you are having a third that it was automatically an accident and they look at you with sympathy instead of excitement. This assumption gets even more pronounced when you already have one boy and one girl. I love the perplexed look on people's faces when I tell them we have a girl and a boy and are having another boy. It is as if they are not really listening to me but busy getting their "well, now maybe you can have a girl/boy" comment out for when I inevitably say we're having a third because I wanted a little girl or something and when I shoot down that obvious conclusion, they don't even know what to say next and they just stare blankly at me as if I'm totally crazy. Only a fool would want to have three children. Clearly.
2. Men are much more sympathetic when you say that you are experiencing back pain due to pregnancy than any woman could ever dream of being. Even if those women are doulas and are actually paid real cash money to be sympathetic towards pregnant people. I don't know if it because the men are afraid of pregnant women and just agree with anything they say or if it is because men are generally way less rude and bitchy than females.
3. One can get heartburn as a direct result of drinking a glass of water.
4. Your husband can only put up with your complaining for so many weeks before he starts ignoring virtually every word you say. You know how your kids don't listen when you ask them nicely and only respond when you're all up in their face DEMANDING that they listen? Yeah, husbands do that too. And it's equally annoying.
5. The three hour gestational diabetes test is cruel and unusual punishment. I would like to know why I ALWAYS fail the one hour test but merrily pass the three hour. At least I'll won't have to do that effing test a fourth time. Gross.
6. UPS leaves no fewer than five boxes on my front porch on any given day. Coming home from work is like Christmas. Most of it IS for Christmas but it is currently the only fun part of my day. Not counting the seven seconds after I get to school/daycare to pick up the kids as they are excited to see me for exactly seven seconds before they start crying to to go out to dinner or demanding that we go to the playground.
7. I want my mommy.
8. Now that I go back and read these, #4 actually cancels out #2. The men at work may seem like they are being nice but chances are they just aren't listening to a word I say. EPIPHANY.
9. I ordered no fewer than five pairs of boots all excited about the prospect about wearing leggings and long shirts and scarves and boots. I'm still laughing at my stupidity because I forgot that I can't even bend over far enough to touch my toes. You should have seen me attempting to try those bad boys on. Pathetic.
10. I want a new phone and can't decide if I should wait until Apple decides to grace us all with their next generation of the iPhone or if I should just get an iPhone 4. Dear Apple, I know you think you're the popular kid at school and everything but could you at least just release a date that I could get my hands on an iPhone 5? Inquiring minds want to know so they can, you know, budget. Is that too much to ask?
