beanski

two months

Oh Isaac, my little mommy magnet. I didn't think stranger danger started quite this early but for a larger part of this month Isaac did not tolerate anyone but me holding him. Most days I enjoyed the snuggles but there were a few days when I was really wishing that he'd let dad hold him once in a while. He has gotten better, thank god, and will now tolerate short spells in the activity gym or the swing and my arms are thankful. And so is the thin layer of food plastered to my kitchen floor that I've finally found the time to clean.

Nursing has once again been a challenge. I'm still bleeding on occassion and I spent most of his first few weeks obsessed with food allergies. That, I'm certain, has something to do with Cam's egg allergy going undiagnosed for so long but I have been really diligent about not eating anything controversial. And then he'd still have really fussy days despite my really limited diet and I got really frustrated. We finally got a blood test done and according to that, he isn't allergic to food. I think he's still sensitive though or has some intolerances. Or maybe all babies are just fussy and I'm too big of a control freak :)

He has good days though. Great days where he rolls through the day eating and playing and sleeping. I've done a much better job sleep training him than I did with Cam and he goes down for naps without nursing or being walked and I'm really proud of him when I see him put himself to sleep in his crib. He sleeps for 7-8 hours at a stretch at night, sometimes wakening a bit in the middle where I just have to go in a shush him a bit and he'll go back to sleep. Once he eats around 4 in the morning it gets dicey and he often doesn't want to go back to bed. I think it's just burps trapped in there and I'm hoping that someday he'll learn to eat without swallowing insane amounts of air. Why do burps have to be such a pain in my ass? I thank my lucky stars for his sleeping every single day because I was so fearful that we'd have to relive Cam's every 45 minute wake ups again. EDITED TO ADD: Since I started this post, he started getting up every two hours. So scratch my previous statements. GO TO SLEEP ISAAC. WHY WILL YOU NOT SLEEP?

He has a sweet little smile and is very inquisitive about what is going on around him. He doesn't seem to like going for rides in the car so I don't leave the house much. In fact, I think I can count on one hand the number of outings I've done with him that weren't to the pediatrician. I'm fearful of his start of daycare because he seems to get more and more agitated when the house is really busy and the kids are bouncing off the walls. I'm terrified that he'll go to daycare and then he'll never sleep again and his demeanor will get even more agressive. Plus, I'll miss him so much. I can't even imagine how empty my arms will feel. I get sad just thinking that there are only three more weeks left and then I have to return to the real world where I can't watch The Bachelor on Wednesday mornings with my sweet little baby sitting on my lap blowing huge poops out the edges of his diaper.

I love his eyebrows and how he always looks like he knows something I don't.

I love his soft bald head and I love how his eyelashes and eyebrows are totally blond and how when you look at him, you can't even tell if he has any.

I love how much he looks (and acts) like his big brother.

I love the rolls on his thighs and the way he smells after his bath. I love how he curls up on that nook in my neck, the nook that I'm certain God made especially for tiny sleepy babies, and goes to sleep.

I love how he can inchworm himself from my shoulder to where he knows the milk is.

I love how he aggressively pulls on my hair and pulls his legs up and cries when he's tired. I love it all. I love him so much and am so glad he's here.

one month

Isaac was perfectly content in utero for what felt like FOREVER. Those last two weeks of my pregnancy with him really did make signing on the dotted line to have my tubes tied very easy. Now he's here and I feel complete. The family feels complete. Our home feels complete. The bedrooms have a little person in each of them and my arms are full. My heart is full. I always wondered if I would ever know that feeling, if it would ever be enough, and I'm so happy I do. Sure, I shed a tear or two about the little people that could have been but for the most part I've just felt happy.

I hold him a lot longer than I probably should. I spend more hours sitting in my chair with him laying on my chest watching old crappy chick movies because I just want to soak it all in. I send the big kids to preschool a lot more than I probably should and I don't really feel that guilty about it. I'm getting to know my baby and they are staying busy. I won't ever forget how much pain I was in after my surgery and how just having him lay on my chest took the pain away. I pushed that morphine button over and over again and got no relief until he was finally in my arms. It was magic.

He's a good baby for the most part but appears to have some food issues. He arches his back and screams a lot like his big brother did until he poops and then he's usually happy and content. I have cut dairy, egg and soy out of my diet for the last week and it is amazing to watch the pounds melt off when you aren't eating anything except meat, vegetables, fruits and rice. It feels worth it this time because I know what a big difference getting eggs out of Cameron's diet made in his life. I hope we are going to get what it causing his issues nailed down soon. He does seem to be feeling better, now we just need to reintroduce them slow enough to actually figure out what the problem is. I'm ready to go back to eating pizza and chocolate :)

He sleeps a lot better at night than the other two did as newborns, I think. But then again, I can't really remember. He's pretty good at grunting for a while before I get up to feed him. The last few days he's gone for a 4 or 5 hour stretch to start the night. Which means he's better at sleeping than Cam already :) I'm assuming this will be short lived, that once he's not swaddled anymore or once he's more alert and aware of his surroundings that we'll go back to every two hours. Or every 45 minutes. But I"m enjoying the sleep while I can.

He smiled at me this week for the first time and my heart pretty much exploded. Since then I've spent every minute he's awake sitting in front of him talking baby talk trying to get him to do it again. He's adorable. I find myself studying his features for hours on end. I think he's going to have brown eyes like his daddy and blond hair like his big brother.

He doesn't seem to like his carseat much and I'm terrified of that thought. The thought of a long car ride with all three kids leaves me pretty much sweating in fear. But, we're going to try it anyways because the kids and I haven't been out of this house in like three months and we are all going stir crazy. If he screams the entire drive, we may never leave the house again. Please pray for me.

He was 9 lbs 6 oz at four weeks after gaining an impressive TEN ounces in five days last week. The pediatrician kept making us come back for weight checks because he had hardly made it back to his birth weight at three weeks old and I think Isaac heard that and was like, DUDE, I'm going to show you. I'm sick and tired of my mom cramming me in that blasted carseat and dragging me down here and taking my clothes off and shoving that stupid thermometer under my arm, I'LL SHOW YOU. And he did. And now we don't have to go back for four weeks. FINALLY.

His big brother and his big sister adore him and while we've seen some behavior changes from both of them, I think they are adjusting fairly well. They are happy to have mom back to go sledding outside and to do body slams with them on our bed before bath-time. I missed getting down on the floor and playing with them and I think they missed it too. They seem to be willing to accept a new baby in the house as long as it means they get their mom back. Cameron is in his face ALL OF THE TIME, hugging and kissing and wanting to hold him and while I find it painfully annoying especially when I'm trying to nurse him, I also find it super sweet. He's going to be such a good big brother.


His dad has proven again how wonderful and patient and perfect of a father and husband he is and not a day goes by that I don't look at him and wonder just how on earth I could ever do this without him. He's selfless and patient and takes such good care of all of us. I won't ever forget him running back and forth from the hospital to home trying to make sure everyone was properly cared for and how frazzled he looked when he would talk about how Cam threw up all over him mom and had diarrhea for the first few days of Isaac's life. If you know him, his hair was standing straight up for DAYS.


I love how blond Isaac's eyelashes and hair are and how he calms the minute I touch him. I love how he grunts when he's waking up and how soft his hands and feet are. I love how he smells after his bath (which he stills SCREAMS bloody murder through, by the way) and how he studies the book shelves in the living room like they are the most interesting things he's ever seen. He will often stop mid-cry to inspect those book shelves. I love kissing his bald little head and I love how he likes to have a blanket wrapped around him before he goes to sleep. I love how aggressively he turns his head to the side with his mouth wide open just like a little baby bird when he wants milk. I pretty much love everything about him and am so glad we decided to do this whole baby thing one more time. I feel a lot more content than I did with the other two and while there are moments of frustration, mostly I just feel lucky to be where I am right now. It truly is the most astonishing thing I've ever done, and will ever do, in my life, this growing little people business. He wasn't here and then one day he was and now I just can't imagine a day without him in it. Welcome to the world, baby boy, the world is much sweeter with you in it.