fa la la la la la la la la

I used to like this time of year.

I guess even a couple of week ago I liked this time of year with the anticipation and the excitement of getting the tree up and envisioning this unicorns and roses Christmas we were bound to have. How exciting to take my kids to see Santa, to Bentleyville, did you know they do a Polar Express train ride? She’s SURE to love it.

But then it all turns into a list of things to get done and no one has fun doing it. We took the kids to Bentleyville where Renee refused to get out of the stroller and Cameron cried the ENTIRE TIME. Yes, it was cold and yes there were three hundred other kids there that weren’t acting like a couple of sissies. My husband walked as fast as he could with a look on his face that suggested that he married a huge idiot for even suggesting we go.

WE LIVE IN NORTHERN MINNESOTA. IT'S COLD HERE. I got the memo but thanks for the reminder. As though the walk from my car to my office during which my eyeballs themselves actually freeze to my eyelids isn't reminder enough.

Tell me, why is it that we can’t do anything without everyone bitching and moaning? Have I coddled them? Have I not taken them out of their routines enough?

It’s all my fault. It’s always all my fault.

I know I should take them to see Santa. I know I should take them on the Polar Express. I should bake cookies and make Christmas memories. I want to remember to fill up the fricking Advent calendar and I want to remember to re-hide the Elf on the Shelf after they go to bed. But my mind turns to mush after they go to sleep and I can’t do anything but sit on the couch and dive head first into a bottle of wine. Or a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. Either is fine, really.

And I wonder why I weigh almost as much as I did after my freshman year of college when I thought that eating Totino’s Party Pizzas with a gallon of Koolaid chaser every night was a good idea.

I have replaced Party Pizzas with Reese's Peanut Butter cups.

This time I know exactly what I'm doing and how hard these pounds are going to be to lose and I'm doing it anyways. I'm doing it because I DON'T CARE.

How did this post start with my lack of Christmas spirit and end with my weight problems?

I DON’T KNOW.

Maybe my weight problems are the root of all of my negativity. Or maybe it's the toddler who wakes up whenever he goddamn well feels like it. Or the toddler who half the time is the sweetest little being on the planet and the other half of the time is a whining, tantruming version of Satan Herself. Or maybe I just have a bad, bad case of PMS and should stay away from my blog until it's over.

Whatever. I'm having a shit day and I feel like complaining about it.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go spend 15 hours wrapping gifts that we spent an assload of money we don’t have on that no one will care about anyways.

FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA.

Comments

[anne]

It's too bad we live 3 hours apart. We could totally be BFFs.

[Nicole]

I know it isn't right of me, but I am laughing my ass off right now (at the rage part . . . not at the situation itself.) I have SO been EXACTLY where you are (and am EXACTLY where you are on the weight issue), and I can tell you this - IT WILL GET BETTER. By next summer you will read this and it will be a terrible memory. By next Christmas you will be marveling that you even wrote this (though it will still be a shitty memory.) Have another peanut butter cup - you deserve it!

[kim]

you know, i think our kids are still really young. and we feel like we want to do all this great stuff for them and have these great traditions and part of it comes from remembering the holidays we had when we were young. but you know, they're TWO. when i actually stop and think about that for a second, i have to kind of laugh at myself that i have ANY expectations at all or heck, even care WHAT we do for christmas beyond making sure santa brings presents (even just one present, because that's all max will have the attention span for anyway), maybe singing a few songs, reading christmas books, pointing out some pretty lights as we're in the car. you know what max's favorite thing about christmas is so far? the freaking construction paper chain we (i) randomly made one day to count down the days until santa comes. and yes, he's been on the polar express but the chain is a much bigger hit (and a million dollars cheaper). let's face it, you have a lot going on right now with two kids so small, and these aren't the years they are going to remember (or appreciate) anyway. take it easy on yourself, you have plenty of time to do all that 'fun' stuff you're supposed to do when they're older and you're getting a lot more sleep. :)

also, i'm right with you on the eating thing. i made brownies yesterday - WHY??

[Gretchen]

I don't have kids yet, but I am right there with you in thinking that the holidays are stressful. There is just so much pressure to be at a million Christmas parties, bring just the right food item, send the perfect card, wear a cute outfit... All of this on top of my own pressure to do a good job at work, try not to gain a million pounds (because candy and junk food are just calling my name right now), and act like I'm happy to be crammed in a room with 30 other adults that I don't know that well when all I want to be doing is wearing my sweat pants and sleeping on the couch.

I would probably enjoy all of the festivities more if they didn't all have to happen in the same week. Can't wait for "Stressember" to be over so that I can get my normal life back :)

I know that I should be grateful that I have a wonderful family (and now wonderful extended family), but sometimes I still feel like a little bit of a grinch.

Wow, it felt good to get all of that out! Maybe that is all that I needed to start feeling better about the holidays! Thank you Gina!

Wishing everyone a wonderful season with plenty of moments to relax and take it all in.

[jenny]

i hear you LOUD and CLEAR. like, did you seriously climb inside my brain and write what you seen me thinking? i'm with kim, our kids are little and we have plenty of time to do all that 'fun stuff' and get the traditions going when we're not running on fumes. ah the freaking joys of parenthood.

i thought that reese peanut butter cups were as necessary in a diet as water? no?

[The Mommy]

Repeat after me: I can always lose weight AFTER the holidays. (My current mantra) After all, that's when all of the exercise equipment goes on sale!!

This reminds me of when we went to Disney World with a one-year-old (and then a 3 year old and a 1 1/2 year old). It was all about us. They just don't get it when they're this little. So if it doesn't make YOU happy, it doesn't pay to try to make them "happy" until they're old enough to appreciate it. Which may not happen until they're 30...

[Lindz]

LOL - I love you. It will be okay, I promise. XO