the unmentionable big girl bed

She forced the issue. I was content cramming her into that crib at least until her feet were poking out the ends. I mean, she's SAFE in there and she likes it and why fix it if it isn't broken?

At least I thought she was safe in there.

Then one night she was goofing around trying to get out of bath-time (which I push nightly because the swine flu) and she giggled and disappeared into her bedroom and shut the door. When I went in there to drag her sorry butt to the bath, she was IN her crib. As in, she had climbed IN.

I chuckled a little to myself and her dad and I had a few good laughs at her expense after she went to bed, "Leave it to our kid to figure out climbing IN before climbing OUT."

And then last night, something very, very bad happened.

It was one of those nights where she skipped her nap at daycare (Can someone please tell me how a kid that naps on the weekends at home for THREE HOURS doesn't need a nap during the week at daycare?) and she came home crabby and hungry and full of spite. After arguing with her about everything from dinner to which which pajamas she wanted to wear to why she had to take a bath to the fact that the OTHER PAGE! in the book that she's screaming about doesn't exist. I knew the mystery page didn't exist because I had already showed her EVERY SINGLE OTHER PAGE IN THE GOD-DAMNED BOOK and she assured me that I STILL HAD THE WRONG PAGE.

WAH! I'm two and I'm upset and I don't know what to do about it so I'm going to flip out and take off my pajamas because why do you make me wear pajamas anyways? Especially these terrible, rotten pajamas that I was just showing Daddy the birdhouses on all proudly SEVEN SECONDS AGO. WHY DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT I HATE THEM NOW, MOTHER? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Yeah, it was bad.

After FORCING her back into her pajamas during what I can only describe as an epic meltdown on her part, her dad and I decided that we were well past the point of reasoning and it was time to just put her in her crib and walk away. Let her cool off a bit.

Except she didn't really cool off. She FREAKED OUT, yelling and moaning and right on the border of barfing all over the birdhouse pajamas she hates so much.

So, I gave up and I went to talk to her, sing her some songs, calm her down.

I opened the door and she had climbed out of her crib and was laying in the middle of her floor kicking and screaming.

After a discussion about how it is not OK to behave like a raging lunatic for no good reason whenever she's upset about something and a few times through You Are My Sunshine, she calmed down and proceeded to ask me me to put her in her bed.

And LEAVE THE LIGHT ON, WOMAN. I have you remind you every single night, you pathetic excuse for a Mother. WAH!

I moped downstairs accepting that the day has come where I have to face the unmentionable. I have to convert her crib to a toddler bed and pray to God that she doesn't figure out how to shuffle her little butt down the hall to our room in her sleep.

Comments

[The Mommy]

Having a two-year-old makes me realize why exorcisms used to be so popular...

[Cara]

Two-year-olds are so irrational, My daughter is the exact same way. Thanks for such a good post!

[kim]

two words: baby gate. :)

honestly though we suffered through the coming out of the room thing for a week or two, and then we put up the gate, and it's so much better for us to have to go to him than him to be able to come to us. for one thing, getting up and standing at the gate loses it's luster after doing it a few times, while getting to run out and see what we're doing was apparently a thrill a minute. but i feel much safer this way too. that is until he tries to climb over the gate (but luckily we haven't had too much of that).

it'll be fine, it might take 2-3 weeks and totally suck in the meantime, but soon enough she'll figure out how to sleep in her new bed and the crib will be a distant memory. :)

[lib]

did you do it? i am so in denial about moving lucy to a big girl bed...