i thought i loved him then

We said our vows four years ago today. On a perfect September day just like today surrounded by the people we love the most. I wore a Marisa dress made from pintucked silk. I had flowers in my hair. We danced to All the Right Reasons by the Jayhawks. I can distinctly remember looking up at him and being so overcome by love, by kindness, by the feeling of security that I had to swallow a huge lump in my throat.

I thought I loved him then.

The babies came one after another less than a year after we took those vows. I remember watching him struggling to change Renee's diaper for the first time looking totally unnatural with a look that only be described as complete and utter fear on his face. I remember him rubbing my back as I cried for literally days on end after she was born. I remember thinking that I was lucky to have him.

I thought I loved him then.

I've watched him become a father to our children. The Best Father. I've watched him show endless amounts of patience towards them, hardly ever losing his temper or raising his voice. I've seen the way he looks at his children. I've felt him get out of bed night after night to soothe his crying son and never once feel resentful towards him for never sleeping.

I thought I loved him then.

I've seen so much compassion in his eyes during my dark days, never once blaming me for how hard things are, never once lashing back when I blame him for my misery. Always working so hard to make things easier on me, on us, on our little family. He never falters. He is my rock, my friend, the only person I want to wake up next to in thirty years. We've watched as marriages have failed and new marriages have begun and there is no greater feeling that knowing, just knowing, that yours will last. Knowing that what comes next might be harder than what what's gone before and while it's hard to imagine, I know we'll make it.

I think I love him now but I can't wait to see what's next.

Comments

[kim]

happy anniversary!! hope you guys enjoy your day tomorrow - it sounds wonderful :)

[Tara]

I got goose bumps...cheers you two :)

[Nicole]

Happy Anniversary! That post seriously brought tears to my eyes. Congratulations on 4 wonderful years and on the many, many years to come.

[Becky]

crying right now...might have something to do with 2 glasses of wine, but crying. Maybe it was because I was huge as a house the day you got married, couldn't drink then, watched your dad use the ladies room (more than once), danced my swollen feet off, cried to seeing scary hair in prom pictures and it makes me happy that you two have each other. I love you!

[Rachael]

This is beautiful. Happy anniversary.