dear renee

Dear Renee,

Today you officially became a two-year-old. I say officially because you have been acting like one for quite some time. Baby girl, I know you are in a big hurry to grow up and learn about the world and spread your wings but just humor your mother and stay small, will you? Like if you’d stay two forever that would be fine with me.

You have taught me so many things in your two years. You have taught me that time can truly fly by and stand still all at the same time. It seems like maybe about two days ago you were a little five pound alien baby too little to fill out her skin and like just yesterday I was planning your first birthday party. At the same time it feels like I have been struggling to keep up with being your mommy, changing your diapers, cooking you fourteen meals a day, for all of eternity. Like there never was a me before there was a you and in some ways, most ways, I guess that is true.

I will never be the same because you made me a mommy and you taught me that it is OK, in fact in some instances, good, to not be perfect all of the time. Your Rama and Papa spent years trying to teach me that but weren’t able to even scratch the surface. You, my dear? It took you about three days to teach me that it doesn’t matter how hard I try or how bad I want to be the perfect mother, I’m going to screw up (a lot) along the way. You get the curse of being my first born which means that in some ways I use you as my guinea pig to test my parenting theories about what works and what doesn’t. Sometimes they work and you thrive and sometimes they blow up in my face and you just can’t believe what a pathetic excuse for a mom you ended up with. Thank you for being patient with me and for loving me in spite of my imperfections.

Being my first born has its perks though. My complete awe with you, with every single thing that you do, can never be replicated. You will always hold the keys to my heart because when I fell in love you? I fell in love so hard and so fast that I was never again the same person. That transformation, from not being a mom to being one is so incredible that I can’t imagine I can ever explain it you properly until you become a mom yourself. And I hope on that day, or surely by the time your own first baby turns two, we can sit down and drink a glass of wine together and talk about how insane it is.

Complete strangers stop me on the street to tell about how cute your outfit is or how they just adore the way I styled your curly hair and what I don't tell them is that isn't the clothes or the way I combed your hair, it is you. It is the way you walk, the way you talk, how you stick your little belly out just so. You are too cute for you own good, kid. Your dad and I really outdid ourselves when we made you.

You are the funniest little person I have yet had the pleasure of knowing, so full of curiosity and determination that it pretty much exudes from your being. You know precisely what you want when you want it and if your dad and I don’t comply immediately, you pretty much lose your mind. Your spirit and your zest for living and learning make me want to be a better person. I can almost see you all dressed up ready for your first day of school, excited and wanting to do a good job but just the slightest bit shy and scared at the same time. Because that is totally you. If you asked me one day I might say you are shy and timid but you ask the next and I’ll tell you that you are outgoing and full of energy.

You’re the perfect balance of it all, Renee, and don’t you ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Love,
Mommy

Comments

[Davina]

Beautiful photo, Happy Birthday Renee!!!

[Becks]

A-DOR-A-BLE!

[Nicole]

Happy Birthday, Renee, and Happy Birthing Day to you, Momma. Watching your first child grow older is so bittersweet - and you captured that perfectly. I loved that post - it brought tears to my eyes!