welcome to motherhood: sleep deprivation and never knowing for sure what is wrong

It was two weeks ago now that my son, who up until that point was sleeping from 7:30PM until 2-3AM most nights, started waking every hour all night long sporadically, crying, arching his back, screaming in pain. We are not talking about your standard just-checking-in-to-make-sure-you-are-listening-at-my-beck-and-call cry, they are cries for help. Even I can barely calm him and 9 times out of 10 the only way to make him go back to sleep is to nurse him. He won't even let his dad touch him, he LOSES HIS SHIT. 

I have suspected reflux since he was born as the only way I could get him to sleep was to swaddle him up so tight that he couldn't move a muscle and put him in his crib with his mattress elevated. His poop has been violent, stringy, watery since birth. When he wakes up it is always with a clearing-his-throat cough followed by a high-pitched scream. A month or so ago he figured out how to get out of the swaddle and he will not tolerate it any longer. And I suspect that his jerking limbs are aggravating his reflux causing him to cry out in pain. I have tried having him sleep in a swing, propped up on our bed, in my vary arms and he still wakes up once an hour crying. I have thrown out all hopes of establishing good sleeping habits in order to just get an hour or two of sleep for myself and I HATE THAT. I hate knowing I'm creating problems that I'm going to have to deal with later. But what choice do I have? We are currently operating on Survival Mode. Barely Surviving Mode.

I took him to the pediatrician with my suspicions, hoping for a prescription for Prevacid or whatever works for reflux and she told me that it could be a food allergy and that I need to start with cutting dairy out of my diet. If that doesn't work, try gluten and then soy and then corn. I am all for the whole "least invasive first" speech she gave me IN THEORY. What bothers me is that this is the same pediatrician that wrote Renee a prescription for the vary same drug because I told her that she was coughing at night and that she barfed a lot. I never filled the prescription for Renee because honestly I just didn't think she needed it. She was happy enough, gaining weight, SLEEPING THROUGH THE BLESSED NIGHT, why drug her? But now my son is in pain and we are all so sleep deprived that we can barely see straight and instead of writing the prescription so that I could just see if it makes any difference she is forcing me to DRAMATICALLY change my eating habits. I somehow need to find the time to plan and cook now THREE different meals three times a day (one for Renee, one for Ski and now one dairy, gluten, soy, corn-free meal for me). I'm supposed to do all of this planning and cooking while working full-fricking-time and trying to have some sort of relationship with my other child and god forbid, MY HUSBAND. To top it off I was planning on starting solid foods and on supplementing Cameron with formula starting at six months because our nursing relationship has been anything but enjoyable and honestly I miss spending time with my daughter. I miss seeing my friends. I want my son to be able to be fed by his father. I have no intention of quitting all together, I just want SOME freedom. OF COURSE now he's allergic to milk so let's throw that whole getting-my-life-back plan out the window.

This whole trying to decode the intricacies of babies is TORTURE. Like, why can't there just be a test that they can run on their poop or on their blood or something that tells us if they are allergic to dairy or if they have reflux? By the time I get everything phased out of my diet to find out if there is a problem there, he'll have outgrown it. And then I'm living in food allergy fear for the rest of my existence having wished away my son's entire babyhood.

Know anything about reflux or food allergies or pediatrians that seem to think that they know more than you about your own kid when you are the one that is watching them and trying to put together the pieces of the puzzle day in a day out? Or how about how to combat sleep deprivation? Life sucks when you can't even eat pizza and get drunk to fool yourself into temporarily thinking that things are going OK.

Comments

[The Mommy]

Dylan had a problem with milk as well - meaning that when I drank it he would have tremendous gas/belly pain. I did OK eliminating dairy but every once in a while I would forget and put cream in my coffee (yes, I drank coffee to help with the sleep deprivation. So sue me). Our pediatrician told us to stop breastfeeding and switch to formula. She was shocked when he was completely fine with regular Enfamil - none of the special needs formula.

I'm not saying that would work, but it DID work for us. I also don't eat a lot of garlic, tomatoes, brocolli, onions or much of anything when I'm nursing. I feel your pain. It sucks. This is why I can only get through 6 months of it...

I know you want to do the same for Cam as you did for Renee. BELIEVE ME, I know. But sometimes it just doesn't work out to be the BEST for the second (or third) child. It's a hard decision because really once you quit, you would probably have a hard (if not impossible) time going back. Some will tell you that it's worth whatever physical/emotional/mental distress that it causes you as long as you continue to nurse. I say, screw that! Mommy deserves to take care of herself, too (especially in the form of wine and pizza)! {SIGH} I miss wine...

[Nicole]

I have always been told that the hallmark of a milk allergy/intolerance in a breastfeeding baby is blood in the stool.

I am truly sorry that the pediatrician didn't write the prescription for a reflux medication because it sounds to me like that is exactly what the problem is! Is there another partner in the practice who you could go to for a second opinion?

Just like Kim, I had to cut out lots of dairy, broccoli, garlic, etc. when nursing . . . it made for some very bland eating!

I hope things get better soon!

[kim]

i'm sorry, that really really sucks. i have two friends that are allergic to gluten and i have no idea how they do it every day, i am far too weak-minded to cut all that stuff out of my diet (and you KNOW tom would not be joining me in that :). it is one of the reasons why i quit nursing... i hated feeling like something i was eating was causing max any pain... the constant worrying about that whenever he would be miserable kind of overshadowed the good parts of it for me. whatever you decide, i think it's great you've kept it up this long because it sounds like it has really been rough this time around.

i hope things get better soon.

[Davina]

I know I have no experience in any of this, but I was talking with my manicurist today and telling her about Cameron (yes, we talk about everything) and she had a friend who's baby was deathly ill and they said it was a dairy allergy and could do nothing. However, someone suggested goat's milk to them and their baby thrived on it. Just a suggestion that may be way out there, but for a last resort it may be something to try.

[Jennifer]

My sister in law has been going through all of this with her little guy and he's almost 2 now. They just took him off goats milk and gluten. He eats yogurt with coconut milk, etc. He's also on reflux medicine. If your looking for any other info. just let me know. They actually just got back from a specialist so she has lots of info. Hope things go better.

[Pam]

I haven't read this whole post yet, but someone sent me a cool blog about the uber swaddle. Just in case you are interested.

http://www.goddessinprogressblog.com/2007/11/uber-swaddle/