i have no idea where she gets her temper, umm well...what?

Now, I could easily open up and actually read one of the books that I have purchased on the subject of disciplining toddlers but that wouldn’t be as fun or as easy as asking for advice here. Besides, the more I read, the more I am convinced that the people that write those books live in a dream land. A land where four month old babies sleep through the night and only eat every four hours. A land where (almost) two year olds have the ability to understand and then act accordingly when their mothers threaten: If you don’t quit with the damn screaming right NOW you are NEVER going outside again.

What should I do when she throws herself into hysteria complete with lying on the ground kicking her feet because her brother woke up from his nap and it really isn’t optional that we have to go inside? Like right now. Not in a few minutes, not in two hours when she’s bored with her outside toys, like RIGHT NOW.

Or how about when she demands chicken nuggets for dinner every single night and when I tell her no, that she needs to eat her pasta instead, she starts screaming and whining and refuses to eat another single bite of food off her plate?

What about those times when she comes over and rips toys out of her brother’s hands so fast that he looks completely terrified and starts screaming?

Ditto for when she purposefully kicks him in the head?

Or when she pushes kids that are smaller than her down at daycare and when I try to talk to her about it and explain to her that it isn’t nice, she laughs, and then during each and every car ride home from daycare from then on when I ask her what she did at daycare she says "pushed Kennedy up” in a very proud-of-herself-for-doing-exactly-the-opposite-of-what-I-told-her-to-do manner.

She responded to the concept of time-outs exactly once, now she laughs at me when I sit her in the time-out spot.

Distraction usually works to stop the screaming but good lord, should I really respond to her kicking her brother in the head with a casual “Renee, do you want to read a book?”

Tell me, people, what works? Besides beating her which I would, like, totally do if I could even handle the idea of letting one of them cry for seven seconds without rushing to their rescue. But I can't so I won't.

Comments

[AmandaH]

This won't work for everything, but a lot of times I count for big T, for example, "I'm going to count to five and you can walk to the house yourself or I'll have to pick you up and carry you..." or "I'm going to count to five and you can give the toy back or I'll have to take it from you and do it for you..."and that gives him a little pause to think about what his options are. I always say it in a really cheerful voice and I count very. slowly. while. I. sip. my. wine.
Good luck!

[lib]

love the new look of the blog...lucy is at about the same stage...we have been trying to just re-direct her but dang that is a LOT of work. or if she does something we aren't happy with like hits or something, we will tell her NO in a stern voice, then she usually feels bad and starts crying...girls, i tell ya!

[Nicole]

Oy. Toddlers. Is the time-out spot someplace where she is in your sight? Time-out is a joke for my kids if they are somewhere where they can be seen . . . for some reason they think it is funny to sit and look at me and laugh. We now do time-outs in their rooms (which they only use for sleeping - the majority of their toys and such are downstairs) and I set the timer - 1 minute for each year of their life (ie., Cooper gets 3 minutes.)

Maren is the sensitive child who will cry if you look at her sideways. Cooper, on the other hand, responds VERY well to being told that "XYZ behavior makes Mommy very sad and very angry" . . . he is very concerned with how others feel in regards to him.

Good luck! (And I love the new look!)

[The Mommy]

Yeah. Good luck. Discipline is rough and no matter what you do, you will make what you consider to be mistakes (I call them learning experiences:).

Time-out works for us, especially with the boys. The key is to completely ignore them for that 1-2 minutes that they're in there (like Nicole, we do 1 minute per year old). Kids this age LOVE to be the center of attention, so pretending you can't see or hear them really cranks them off and thus becomes punishment.

With Youngest Boy, counting works VERY well. Typically, if I start counting he does whatever he was supposed to do before I get to 3. Honestly, I have no idea what he thinks is going to happen when I GET to 3 because I can't remember a time when I have!

[Chenoa]

I don't have kids...BUT...I count with my niece and nephew...and put on my "mean, you need to do it my way or the highway face"...they don't let me get to 3. I must say that my nephew listens much better than my niece...so girls definitely are more difficult! Good luck Gina! BTW-where did newborn Cameron go?! He is getting so big!

[Jill]

We just covered this topic at ECFE and it sounds like Renee is very much 'nearly' 2. Time outs never worked for us but what does work is to stick them in their crib until you can master your feelings/assist the other kid/regulate your breathing/control murderous impulses, etc. Ignoring them also works but hard to keep up the mental game when you are tired. L is a drama queen and her signature move is to laugh when she does something and I say No! so I know some of what you are dealing with. Be strong as they do eventually get out of this phase. At least that is what I tell myself while I pour the wine...

[Jennifer]

Tanner was doing the drop to the ground and kick his feet routine, but mommy just walked away from him and ignored him so we've moved on now to the NO stage, Don't Wanna, and Don't yike it mom stage. Karlie did some of the same things as Renee when she was that age now she's in the sassy not listening and then sweet as pie stage. Do kids actually ever stop hitting new stages? :)

[jenny]

my kid gets his temper from us and it's NOT good. things we do to counteract what is in his blood:

a) time outs (aka the 'naughty spot'). they work good with us. he gets one minute for each year of life too (supernanny was real popular when i was pregnant - haha). he used to go sit on a certain rug in our living room when he was bad, but now his new naughty spot is being sent to his room and he has to sit on his bed. this is nicer because his screaming is a bit muffled being in another room - haha! we wait and when his time is up he has to apologize for what he did wrong and then i usually redirect him and all ends well. USUALLY. there are those times when it feels like you are in a time out hell.

b) if he doesn't want to eat dinner, he is given a few chances (tucker, you better eat this or you're going to your room) before he is sent to his room. he wines and cries and usually in under 5 minutes he is yelling to come back and eat. if he does a decent job it's fine, if he totally refuses, we keep his dinner on his plate and wouldn't you know it - the kid will actually eat it later!

c) if we are in public and he has a meltdown of some sort, then i totally try to redirect his attention. he's usually pretty good. the only memorable meltdowns are when we are shopping and he has been holding something we are buying the whole time in the cart - then we go to pay for it - he screams 'i don't wanna pay for it' and refuses to release the item (and i feel like a criminal because my kid doesn't want to pay for his stuff - haha). this is when i just rip it from his little paws, let the lady ring it up, and give it back to him. then i wipe his tears and we head out.

i think that once they get to this stage, you just have to learn what works for your kid. i asked a lot of people (read a lot of mommy blogs) and got ideas and then tried them with tucker. it also helps that our daycare also does time outs and has a 'naughty spot'. best of luck figuring this out!

[Heather]

Confirmation that I am DONE having kids :)

Thankfully my kids rarely had all out meltdowns, but Ava was tricky with discipline. At that age, I would give her one warning, "this is your warning, you will get a time out if you don't...", then put her in a timeout, on a stool, facing the wall at the end of the hallway (her bedroom was never really punishment for her). Set the kitchen timer (one minute per year of age). If she got up, I said nothing, just picked her up and put her back. When the time went off we talked about it and I made sure she knew what she did wrong, said sorry and told her I love her...ok, I confess, I watch Super Nanny.

To this day, my opinion on not eating what is served is if you don't eat it, it will be in the fridge if you are hungry later. Don't even think of asking for a snack or anything else.

Good luck :)

[anne]

Heh, these behaviors you describe sound strangely familiar:) I've tried time-outs with Ryan and they DO NOT work. He thought it was funny in his timeout spot and would just get up and walk away. He didn't understand what was going on. I brought this up at our ECFE class (as someone else also mentioned) and the parent educator basically said that kids this age are all different. Time outs may work well with kids at 18 months, others won't really understand them until closer to three. Basically, I think the redirecting is a major part of it at this stage. I'd definitely say something like "Renee, when you hit your brother he gets sad, now let's go play with your puzzles", but if Renee's anything like Ryan, trying the time-out as a punishment may not work yet. Oh, I've also tried the counting thing. As in, "Ryan, I've asked you three times to come and brush your teeth, and now I'm going to count to three and then I'll carry you there myself". HAHAHA, another JOKE for him at this age. He's used to us counting to three before he goes down a slide or jumps off a stump or something, so for him to hear me count to three was super funny and he just said KOWABUNGA on the count of three and jumped in the air.

Anyways, if you ever crack those parenting books and come across a good one, let me know!!!