looking back it hasn't been all bad

I go back to work in seven days. I'm totally dreading it. Which is odd because for about the middle five weeks of this maternity leave I think I told Ski about fifteen times a day that I wanted to go back to work already. The first five weeks of this leave were devoted to the God forsaken holidays, the middle five to various illnesses and it has only been the last two that I've actually gotten a chance to enjoy my kids. I have baked cupcakes and played playdoh and done puzzles and spent hours and hours just sitting on the couch staring at his chubby little legs and going to any great length to see him smile.

I'm going to miss my babies.

I am going to miss making her lunch with one hand because I'm nursing her brother with the other.

I am going to miss being the sole recipient of his smiles.

I am going to miss putting her down for a nap while praying to God that he isn't downstairs screaming his head off.

I am going to miss being his everything, his entire universe, his one and only.

I am going to miss Diego. And maybe even Laurie Berkner.

I am going to miss going to Target even though I don't need anything because Target is the only place that I can get in and out of with both kids and we all need a good distraction.

I am going to miss watching her learn at least a handful of new words every day. 

I am going to miss watching him learn all of the things that he has yet to learn, to hold his head up, to sit, to crawl, to walk.

I am going to miss watching her play with her baby for hours on end. 

I am going to miss waiting for the mail to arrive just because it gives me something to look forward to.

I am going to miss snuggling with her after she wakes up for her nap because that is the one time of day that she wants to cuddle.

I think I might even miss her standing at the window saying 'Daddy HOME.'

What I'm going to miss the most is not missing anything. Not being there for each and every second of their days. I thought this would be easier this time, leaving them, giving up control and putting my faith in their daytime caregiver. But I don't think it is going to be easier. I miss them already and I'm not even gone yet. Being a working mom is not easy. It never gets easy...easier maybe as time goes on but never easy.

Comments

[Nicole]

I can only imagine the feelings that come with your situation! I hope that it is a smooth transition for everyone. If there is an upside, it is that while you will miss those things, you will be infinitely more grateful for every moment that you do get to spend with them - something that I often take for granted as a stay-at-home-mom.