Ski's sister and her husband showed up to meet Cameron today with lunch, dinner and food for the freezer. They have two small children and yet somehow managed to haul food for a week half way across the state to make things easier on us. I'm overwhelmed by the kindness. Seriously overwhelmed.
I am really struggling with redefining my relationship with Renee. She is overwhelmed by this change and simple things like taking a bath have turned into a struggle. I feel so bad for her. She isn't being mean or bad, but her eyes are sad and she cries at the drop of a hat. And that breaks my heart in half.
You would think that nursing would be old hat seeing as how I just quit nursing her like seven months ago. But I'm failing and am overwhelmed by his lack of weight gain despite me nursing 24x7. I so desparately want it to work and while I know that eventually it will be easier and I haven't had the urge to quit (YET), I forgot how totally overwhelming these first few weeks are.
The difference between this time and last time is that I'm talking about my feelings rationally and not expecting Ski to fix everything immediately. And when I feel like crying for hours on end I'm curling up with my kids and throwing myself into being the best mom I can be. And I'm telling myself that it will get easier. Every single day it will get easier.
This picture overwhelms me because for the first time I look at her and see her dad. Man, I love her. I just hope she doesn't give up on me and that someday she really will understand that me bringing her brother into her life was a good thing.
And one of Cam wide awake. He's extremely mellow and sweet and I already can't imagine what life was like without him.
When my mom brought Tom home from the hospital, I bit his toe and made it bleed. We are just 18 months apart. To think that's how we started out and now we are great friends. I love your honesty in your blog. Renee will adjust and she'll never remember a time without Cameron. You have very beautiful children!
Posted by: Pam | November 22, 2008 at 09:32 PM
I'm thinking of you and if you need anything you let me know. I will be there in flash. It was so good to see you last week and hopefully we can start up some play dates soon!
Love you~
Amy
Posted by: Amy Basaraba | November 23, 2008 at 04:11 AM
You can do it! It will get easier, it will get better, and Renee will love you even more for bringing home her new best friend. Hang in there!
Posted by: Nicole | November 23, 2008 at 08:31 AM
Deep breathes, everything will work out. Renae is just adjusting as you are. It will all work out in the next few weeks and it will be a breeze again soon:)
Posted by: Davina | November 23, 2008 at 01:04 PM
i think you are doing great...hang in there!
Posted by: lib | November 23, 2008 at 05:26 PM
your children are so beautiful. renee will be just great. and she will one day thank you for everything. look how long her hair is getting! i just love ruby's mullet hair too.
Posted by: jessica | November 24, 2008 at 08:31 AM
When the family dynamics change, it takes awhile for everyone to find their place again. As long as she knows she still HAS a place, Renee will be fine. For me, going from one to two was the most difficult. I can remember nursing our second while holding our first-born away with my foot - because he wanted to hit the baby on the head! ahhh! Good times!
The third baby transition was the easiest, so far. In May we'll find out what the fourth baby transition is like...
Posted by: The Mommy | November 24, 2008 at 10:37 AM