downpour

I don't remember it starting this early last time. I don't remember being nine and a half weeks pregnant and crying over stupid country songs on the radio. But here I am, crying over songs I don't even like. I read a fair number of blogs in my travels...signing up for Google Reader pretty much was my demise. Anyways, I like pregnancy blogs because reading that someone else is laying awake at night because they can't get comfortable or is having shooting sciatic pain down their leg makes me suck it up and quit complaining. It's like "What up Sista, I feel ya. If YOU can do it, I can do it. Ah yeah." Yesterday a post came through and I started reading. It was about this family that I have read about for a while and they just, out of the blue, lost their baby girl at 21 weeks. The narrative was heartwrenching and I sobbed at my desk. Then I cried again on my way home from work. Then I tried to tell Ski about it because it was still haunting me and I cried some more. In the middle of the night, when I can no longer SLEEP, I cried again. NO ONE should have to go through losing a child. I don't think I'm built for it. So I'll do the progesterone shots and I'll go to the doctor every week and I'll eat nothing but spinach and sweet potatoes and I'll try not to overdo it because the alternative, something happening to my precious little angel, is not an option in my mind. I COULD NOT DO IT. Do you hear me, God? I just can't. Please. I can't. SOB, SOB.