warning: depressing post

I haven't posted in a few days because I've been in complete and utter dispair about sending Renee to Daycare. And here I am...halfway through my first day back to work. And it is worse than I thought it would be. I wish they would find something for me to do because right now I'm just sitting here wallowing in my sadness. My final vision of her when I handed her over to her Daycare lady was her bottom lip quivering like it does when she's about to cry. And then I walked away. In three months I have never walked away from her crying. Ever. I feel like I am in someone else's body...and that the part of me that has a baby that I'm madly in love with has been turned off. I feel empty. I know this is probably dramatic but it is how I feel. Scared. Hopeless. And just plain incredibly sad. Sad on the inside....like I'll never be happy again.

In attempt to stop the tears from rolling down my face at work...the weekend was actually decent. Ski took Thursday and Friday off to distract me...we took Renee on her first hike up on the North Shore in her "Vince Vaughn" (AKA, Baby Bjorn) and saw some killer fall leaves. Ski ordered a burger at Bluefin Bay that was the best burger I've ever tasted in my life...it had blue cheese, Summit marinated onions and balsamic glaze on it. I wish I was eating it right now. Food always makes me feel better. I think I'll go buy myself a king-size Snickers. I'll try that and hopefully by my next post I haven't quit my job, sold my house and everything I own, gotten divorced and taken the baby up to live with my mom and dad.

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[Mom]

I hope today is a little better than yesterday...and that it gets easier each day Give my sweet grandbaby a hug and kiss from her Rama tonight!